I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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