I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
