Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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