turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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