My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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