dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
