No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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