Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
