oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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