So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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