I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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