I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
