I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
