dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
