Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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