i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
