Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
