Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
