that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Randomize
