i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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