Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No subtext here. People are naked.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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