Will you blow on my dice?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
