the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
So. Much. Porn.
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