I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
