Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize