my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
