There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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