gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My ass is underappreciated
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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