Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
