We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
