Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
