i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
