My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
