Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
