So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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