I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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