She said her name was "party"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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