I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
