I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
