Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
