$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
