I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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