Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize