GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
