I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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