I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
