Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My pussy is not your playground.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
