All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
