Will you blow on my dice?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
