I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
