Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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