im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
