HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
