You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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