the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize