She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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