I'm lost and stupid without you.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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