I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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