and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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