Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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