I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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