4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize