woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
