you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
