Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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