I think i peed on brittanys purse
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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