4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
