she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
