I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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